If you watch the TV show, Survivor, I’m sure you remember the episodes where the loved ones visit. Everyone is standing together on the beach ready to compete and then their loved ones show up and, just seeing their loved ones, changes these strong players into “crying fools.” It’s as if seeing their loved ones gives them permission to temporarily put aside their strength and fall into the safe arms of those who know them best. Well, Lauren came to visit me this weekend and when she got here, I acted like a Survivor player and started crying.

The tears surprised me as I didn’t know where they were coming from. As I thought about it, I realized that since Lauren was born, the past 24 years of my life (minus a few girl’s weekends away), I have seen a member of my immediate family every day of my life. Once you have kids, your life becomes about the “family unit.” So, suddenly going weeks without seeing anyone from my family has been much harder than I realized- I have had to be stronger than I have in many, many years.

More specifically, it also made me realize that, while I came here to improve my Spanish and “change my corner of the world”, this experience has given me the chance to rediscover myself- a discovery which could only happen when my identity was not tied to being Lauren or Kaela or Logan or Matt’s mom or Brian’s wife or the Dean of Students at Transitions. All those labels come with some sense of expectation that in some way have defined me for the past 24+ years. I arrived here with no labels- just me forging my own path- something which I haven’t done in a very long time.

So, yes I cried when I saw Lauren, but she didn’t cry when she saw me. I wouldn’t expect her to. Her life is in a chapter which is full of self-discovery; it’s part of “leaving the nest” as you move from childhood to adulthood. You graduate high school and go to college and you grow and discover more about yourself.. Then you graduate college and you get your first job- you grow more, You might move away from your family and friends- and you grow more. You date someone, break up, date someone else, break up again as you seek to discover who that right person will be for you and you grow more. The list goes on and on as your 20’s are truly defined by growth and change. But then that chapter ends and our lives move into one focused on stability- economic stability, stability for our kids, stability in the workplace- for many years our lives are built around creating this sense of stability.

But now, my kids are growing up and “leaving the nest”, so what happens next? I’ve been thinking a lot about this as Brian and I move closer and closer to becoming empty nesters. Eventually, it will just be Brian and I at home and, though I hate to think about it, there will also come a day when one of us outlives the other. After the hustle and bustle and craziness of raising four kids together, the thought of being alone has been really scary for me. But, this experience has not only reminded be that I can do it, it’s also reminded me that the opportunities in this new chapter in life can be fun and exciting and full of growth whether surrounded by my family or alone. I got this- whatever my future brings!